


Anything For You

by GeekLover



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Choking, First Time, M/M, Magic Revealed, Smut, Summer Pornathon 2013, Team Gluttony, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 11:28:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2268057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekLover/pseuds/GeekLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you sum up ten years in one moment?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything For You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Summer Pornathon 2013's Week Six Challenge - Light and Dark

This will all be over soon. Merlin tries to remember that as he watches Mordred continue to gasp and sputter and try to fight against Merlin’s magic, which is currently putting pressure on Mordred’s neck and slowly squeezing the life out of him. Merlin wants to look away but Mordred’s magic is already struggling mightily against his, he can’t afford to let his guard down for a moment.

This is the only way. It not as if he hasn’t tried to get rid of Mordred in other ways. He’s told Arthur that he doesn’t think Mordred is ready to be a knight. He’s asked Mordred himself to leave, but he’s refused. He’s gone so far as to prevent Arthur from allowing magic back in Camelot. At that last thought bile rose in his throat. It was one of the worst moments of his life. 

But he has to do everything in his power to prevent that vision of Mordred killing Arthur from happening, no matter what the cost. It was his destiny to save Arthur.

Mordred presses his hand back against the wall that he is pinned against and scrabbles to get some leverage, but it was a wasted effort. Merlin’s magic was just too strong. Mordred’s face contorts and begins to take on an unnatural red color, and as he tries to speak, spittle comes flying out of his mouth. The light in his clear blue eyes is starting to dull and blood vessels are starting to pop. 

_Merlin_

Merlin closes his eyes briefly to try and block out Mordred’s telepathic cry. He opens his eyes and looks down at the small dagger by Mordred’s feet. He had tried to make it quick, but Mordred’s reflexes were too good and this was what he was left with. He didn’t want to prolong Mordred’s agony like this. Why was this taking so long?

He wasn’t a cold-blooded murderer. This wasn’t murder. This was for Arthur. Everything he did was for Arthur. 

_Emrys, please. I’m your friend. You don’t have to do this. I haven’t done anything to you._

Mordred falls to his knees. He’s trembling as he slowly looks up at Merlin. His dull blue eyes stare into Merlin’s and Merlin can hear a soul shattering howl.

Merlin takes in a deep shuddering breath. This will all be over soon.

 

~*~

Merlin stiffly walks towards Arthur’s chambers. He feels completely hollow and broken. There is no coming back from what he’s done. He had never set out to be this person he has become. What kind of destiny was this? His entire life is a lie. He can’t share the most important parts of himself with the one person he holds most dear and everything he does to help just makes it more certain that he never will be able to. As he grasps the door handle, the only thing he can think is how much he wants to die. He just wants this to be over.

When Arthur spots Merlin standing in the doorway, he rolls his eyes. “I swear Merlin one of these days you’re going to find yourself out of a job. I had to have George bring my dinner and listen to another lecture about the hundred and one uses of brass. You are going to pay for that. What have you...?” Arthur trails off. “Merlin?”

“Mordred...” Merlin’s voice breaks. He’s shaking and doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to stop. “Arthur...I strangled Mordred.”

Arthur lets out a brief soft chuckle. But as he continues to scrutinize Merlin, his brow furrows. He takes a few steps towards Merlin. “That’s not funny, Merlin.”

“I strangled him because I saw a vision that he was going to kill you.” Arthur tries to say something but Merlin needs to get everything out, so he talks over him. “I’ve killed people before, Arthur. People who were trying to hurt you. But it’s always been fairly quick and painless and I could try and put it out of my mind because he knew that these were terrible people. But Mordred...this was different. And I couldn’t go through with it...not even for you.” He swallows thickly. 

Arthur looks at him, blinking slowly, and Merlin can see the confusion and even a small measure of fear in his eyes.

“Everything I’ve done has been for you, Arthur.” He puts his head in his hands before slowly running a hand through his sweaty black locks. “The way that I justify everything I do is because of our destiny, because of the kind of man that you are, and the kingdom you’re going to build - have built. But the truth is everything I do is because of how much I love you.”

Arthur stood motionless. The only sign of movement is the rapid rise and fall of his chest. Arthur is barely blinking and Merlin isn’t sure Arthur even heard him, but Merlin chooses to continue on.

“The thought of something happening to you…” Merlin clutches at his chest. “It feels like something is clawing at my insides. It’s unthinkable to me. I’ve done things I could never have imagined doing before I’d ever come here and was told about my great destiny.” Merlin finished with more than a little bitterness. He peers up at Arthur hesitantly. “It’s not your fault, but I’ve gone against everything I was supposed to be fighting for. I’ve denied who I am.”

Arthur took a few tentative steps forward. He looked worried - as if any sudden movement would send Merlin scurrying away. “Merlin, you’re not making any sense.”

Merlin inhales deeply and looks into Arthur’s blue eyes. “Arthur, I-I have magic.”

Arthur’s eyes widen and he looks almost too stunned to speak. “Merlin, that’s not possible.”

Merlin looks up heavenward and cries. He knows Arthur’s not making this more difficult on purpose. Slowly he casts his gaze back down and he can tell the moment that Arthur sees his eyes change color. For the second time that night, Merlin sees the light die in someone’s eyes.

 

~*~

 

As the guards push him to kneel down in the Council Chambers, Merlin can’t help but look around and feel a tragic sense of deja vu. Once again Arthur is facing someone he trusts horrible betrayal. Merlin knows he has no hope of simply being banished. He’s going to die and he knows it. He looks over and sees Mordred. He has tears in his eyes.

 _I’m so sorry, Emrys._

Merlin tries to smile, but it’s a hollow gesture. He just nods once trying to say some many things. “I’m sorry” and “there’s nothing to be done” and “it’s alright.” 

Mordred nods back as if he understands.

Arthur walks in and soon dismisses everyone from the room. Merlin shares one more lingering look with Mordred before the doors close and he’s alone with Arthur.

Arthur paces in front of Merlin. “Get up.”

Merlin stands up shakily. He’s been in the stocks for more than a day and has tried to prepare himself for this moment, but now that he’s actually there with Arthur all of that preparation seems useless. There’s no way to prepare for this.

Arthur stops pacing and stalks towards Merlin. “I can’t believe that I’m here again. That I have to decide the fate of someone that I…” He takes a deep breath. “You’re a sorcerer, Merlin. You are everything that I have been taught to despise. And the fact that I have trusted you and you’ve been making a fool of me all of these years...If you were anyone else, you would be executed.”

Merlin has been expecting that, but he can’t help his slight flinch.

Arthur drags his teeth over his bottom lip as he scrutinizes Merlin. “But I can’t do that. I could never kill you, Merlin.” He sighs. “I suppose my only other option is to banish you.”

Merlin closes his eyes and nods.

“But…” There’s a slight quiver in Arthur’s voice. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

Merlin looks up in shock. 

Arthur shrugs briefly before growling and beginning to pace again. “Merlin, I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate you for putting me in this position. I don’t know what to do. And the oddest thing is that ordinarily the person I would go to with something like this, the person I trusted most in this world, was you!” He laughs somewhat hysterically, which unnerves Merlin. Arthur finally stops pacing and advances forward, stopping an arm’s length away from Merlin. “What am I supposed to do?”

Merlin opens and closes his mouth. He isn’t sure if it’s a real question.

“You said that everything you’ve done has been for me?” 

Merlin just stares. 

“Speak!” 

Merlin flinches.

Arthur lets out a slow breath. “You’ve never been shy with your words before, Merlin, and I desperately need you not to be now.”

Merlin is surprised at the brief tenderness in Arthur’s voice. “Yes, I’ve used my magic for you.”

“Alright, then I need you to show me.” 

Merlin confusion shows in the deep furrow in his brow. “Show you?”

Arthur nods. “Show me everything you’ve done.”

Merlin brings his shoulders up in a tired shrug. He isn’t sure what Arthur wants from him. “I don’t know how to do that.”

“Merlin, you’re a sorcerer. Think of something.” Arthur narrows the gap between them. His eyes bore into Merlin’s. “Before I decide anything I _need_ to know. I deserve to know everything. Please, Merlin.”

In this moment, Arthur doesn’t look like a fearless and mighty king. He looks like a scared and confused little boy and Merlin’s instincts take over. Whatever Arthur needs he has to try and give it to him. Merlin clears his throat. “I’ll have to touch you.”

Arthur stiffens for a moment before nodding resolutely.

Merlin gently raises his hands and places them at Arthur’s temples. He tries to remember the memory spells in the book Gaius had given him so long ago. He closes his eyes and chants. He can feel his magic flowing through him and touching Arthur. 

Suddenly, Arthur gasps and his eyes widen.

It is not an easy thing to summarize ten years of one’s life but Merlin does the best he can. He reaches into the depths of his soul and shows Arthur things no one else will ever see or know. All of the tragedy and the lies and the danger. All of the people he’s lost. All of the people he’s hurt and who have hurt him. He shows him all the ways that Arthur has taken him for granted. But most of all he tries to show Arthur the good. All of the times he’s saved Arthur. All of the laughter and joy he’s shared with the people that matter most to him. The proudest moments of his life all involve Arthur. He shows Arthur the prat that he was, and still sometimes is, and the king he is today. He shows Arthur all the ways in which he has changed Merlin’s life, for good and bad. 

When he’s done he opens his eyes. Arthur is shaking and tears are spilling from his eyes, he collapses to his knees and takes Merlin with him.

There are few moments that Merlin will remember in his life more clearly than when Arthur looks up at him. Arthur’s expression runs the gamut of emotions. Sadness, fear, anger, and happiness briefly flit across Arthur’s handsome features. When he finally looks into Merlin’s eyes the only thing he sees left is the same overwhelming love Merlin feels for Arthur. To see that reflected in Arthur’s eyes for the first time takes Merlin’s breathe away.

“Merlin...” Arthur says hoarsely. 

Merlin doesn’t have a chance to catch his breath before Arthur launches himself forward and kisses him fiercely. It’s hard, a little graceless, and sloppy but Merlin doesn’t care. It’s the most perfect moment of his life and he kisses Arthur back with equal passion. 

Arthur doesn’t seem to know what to do with his hands. He runs them through Merlin’s hair and then they find their way to Merlin’s face, his fingertips running shapeless patterns over Merlin’s brow and then over his cheeks. Once his hands find their way to Merlin’s shoulders, he pushes Merlin backwards.

He presses Merlin down with his body. His hands stroke down Merlin’s sides. He starts to work Merlin’s shirt over his torso. Breaking away from their kiss, Arthur gasps for air. He starts to move away and Merlin wraps his arms around Arthur tightly. 

“Please, stay here.” Merlin pleads. He thinks if Arthur stops touching him now he may break into a million pieces.

Arthur nods. His lust blown eyes stare down at Merlin as he leans in and kisses him slowly. He grasps Merlin’s arse and easily picks him up.

Wrapping his legs around Arthur’s waist and his arms around his neck, Merlin brings his crotch tightly against Arthur’s. He moans at the friction it causes. His cock is already straining and he doesn’t think it will take long before he spills over.

Arthur almost falters as he carries Merlin and sits down heavily on the sole chair in the middle of the room. He drags his mouth away from Merlin’s and trails hot, wet kisses down Merlin’s neck. 

Merlin is panting as he begins to work his hips in slow circles, grinding down against Arthur. 

Arthur grips Merlin’s firm backside and brings their crotches together as he matches the pace of Merlin’s thrusts.

Merlin groans loudly. He clutches Arthur’s shoulders as he starts to lose control of his rhythm, eagerly seeking more friction, desperate to explode with all of the pent up lust and desire he’s felt for years. 

Arthur grabs his face and stares deep into Merlin’s eyes. The passion and love that Arthur feels for him is evident in the way he looks at him and it makes Merlin feel dizzy. He can feel his balls tighten and pleasure spread through his body.

All it takes is one more thrust of Arthur’s hips and Merlin sighs as his trousers fill with come.

Arthur buries his face in Merlin’s neck and grinds up harshly several times before his body shudders and he cries out.

They sit there gasping as they come down from their orgasms. Merlin feels wetness against his neck and lifts Arthur’s head up to look at him. Tears are running down Arthur’s face. “Arthur, what’s wrong?”

Arthur is trembling and his voice is barely above a whisper. “Everything you’ve done, Merlin...for me...I never knew. And I never treated you the way that I should have. How do you not hate me?”

Merlin slowly wipes at Arthur’s tears. “Someone told me a long time ago that a half cannot hate what truly makes it whole.” He smiles at the memory, thinking back to how far he and Arthur have come since those first days when Merlin spent most of his time wanting to strangle Arthur. Now he only felt that way half of the time. “You’re a part of me, Arthur. To say you’re not an easy man to deal with is putting it mildly…” He shakes his head, but the smile doesn’t leave his face. Arthur wouldn’t be Arthur if he didn’t drive him a little crazy. Truth be told, he likes it. “...But I know that you’re a good man and you always try and do the best that you can. I’m proud to be the man that loves you.” He kisses Arthur softly.

Arthur smiles at him and wraps Merlin in a warm embrace.

Merlin rests his head on Arthur’s shoulder and strokes his cheek. Merlin spent most of his time in his cell thinking about everything that has happened since he came to Camelot. He has so many regrets. There are things he wishes he had handled differently and he knows that things have to change. But when he is honest with himself, he has to admit that if it meant protecting Arthur, he would do it all again. And maybe that isn’t healthy, but he can’t change the way he feels - he doesn’t want to and he’s finally made his peace with that.


End file.
